This Is What Having Kids Looks Like

They can’t do it — they promise they’ll try, but they can’t. Somehow, whatever neural pathways have to be forged and then stabilized before we, as humans, are able to successfully remove, track the location of, and finally restore the cap of a tube of toothpaste simply do not exist in children, period. I don’t even know where the caps go anymore — they just … disappear.

Something tells me when my time’s finally up, and I’ve moved on from this life into the next one, I’ll see it: a glorious pile of lost toothpaste caps, now found, the mystery revealed.